It's JUST a Foreclosure

I have an announcement: Our townhouse in Colorado will be officially foreclosed and auctioned next Wednesday.
I am thankful for: It's JUST a foreclosure.
Explanation: (No, take too long, will sum up) At church Sunday, the sermon's title was "Never Waste a Problem". Acts 27 and 28 were about Paul and a bunch of Non-Christians who were on a ship that was hit by a hurricane and as he had told them God had said, all survived against all odds. Then, when they landed on the island, all accepted Jesus. Then, he was bitten by a deadly viper. He survived. He then healed a bunch of people who were deathly ill. The lesson: Problems are opportunities for miracles. We need not be afraid of our problems because while we know the possible outcomes and we know the statistical probabilities, God's actions are not predictable. But His promises are.
^{Romans 8:28}And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
^{Matthew 6:33}But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
See, for any normal person, a hurricane, deadly viper, or fatal illness are serious concerns. But, for someone who is wholly the Lord's to do with what He will, He has good things in store, that we can trust. He has weird ways to get to those good things sometimes but they are promised. So, as our pastor said, those events became JUST a hurricane, JUST a viper, and JUST a fatal illness.
I KNOW that for the last two years, since Jacob and I decided to come to Louisiana, we have thought, prayed, consulted, researched, and reconsidered ALL of our decisions wanting to do not what would serve us the best, but what would be the right thing to do, God's plan for us. And there was NO way, it was impossible, for us to save this house. To us, foreclosing always has a bad connotation. I can't pinpoint where I got the impression that people who foreclose were bad people, I just had this unexplainable misunderstanding that someone who forecloses must have gotten themselves into an unwise loan, or that they spent their money irresponsibly, or didn't try hard enough and just gave up on their contract. Maybe some people are like that but not all. We really wanted to try to avoid it. We saw a bankruptcy lawyer because I don't hear as many negative associations with bankruptcy. He said it could be over and done with within the month. Our car that was broken and we couldn't afford to fix, our house that we couldn't save for anything, our credit card debt, all of it would be washed away. But we couldn't do it. We couldn't walk away from debts that we knew we'd be able to pay off. And the lawyer seemed to say it was all or nothing.
We sold the car and paid off the difference, we're paying off the credit cards. The house just has to go, there's nothing we can do for it. And I have to let go of the guilt because it's irrational guilt. Crap happens, unpredictable crap. I had been bound by guilt to anxiety and insecurity and fear and doubt. And I am thankful that now, I am free of such bondage. We could not have prevented the house problem.
I don't know what God's plan behind it all is. We may get slapped with penalties or fees or something but I am His and His plan is perfect and I don't need to be afraid or guilty. I need to rest in Him. I need to wait for answers. I need to open myself and clean out the sin that clouds the light. And He will shed that light and do marvelous wonders. I love God and am seeking first His kingdom and righteousness. And He is completing a work in me.
I am thankful that it's JUST a foreclosure, NOT the end of our lives, our purpose, our journey, our financial destiny, or our legacy. In fact, it IS a chapter ending and a new one beginning in this book God is writing, and I look forward to seeing why this chapter was included.

A Blessed Time With Family

I have SO many new blessings to share!!! I've been collecting them over the last week without time to write them up.
Last Thursday, Sept 16, we impatiently awaited the arrival of Grandpa Gray, Aunt Chela, and Cousin Ana. They flew into New Orleans, got the rental car, and drove to my house. The way I felt while I waited was this: I don't know what all is going to take place over the next week, if we'll be busy, lazy, emotional, restless, tired, or what but I know that seeing my loved ones for the second short time in 18 months was great in itself; any fun or interesting memories that came of it was icing on the cake. Friday morning, we got the kids off to school and thought maybe we'd go to the Rice Mill or Tabasco Factory or have lunch at Ruby Tuesday, we were going to get ready and see what we felt like. 1:30 rolled around and we hadn't gotten ready for anything, we had visited at the kitchen table the whole time AND my family wasn't yet packed for our 3 day trip that was to start in one hour. Jac and I got packing and showered and we rolled out to get Thing 1 and Thing 2 (our nicknames for Logan and Kayla respectively). From there, we began our long journey to Long Island, MS. We got to the beachfront hotel around 11 and when straight to bed. 6:30 the next morning, the kids jumped out of bed ready for the complimentary breakfast. We were supposed to meet in the lobby at 9:30 so I optimistically decided to take advantage of the three hours my children granted me to get them ready. After breakfast, the kids went swimming. 7:30 AM with the beach's sunrise right behind the pool made a very relaxing time for me while the kids loved perfect swimming weather and temps. 9:30, we all met up and piled into the van to go to the wedding.
Aunt Bebe and Uncle Sid we renewing their vows for the 50th anniversary. Aunt Bebe is my great great aunt, my dad's grandma's sister. They are some of the best people! I have only gotten to know them since I moved to LA. We've gone over and visited with them a few times when my dad comes to visit us. They have four children who have children who have children. Aunt Bebe has six out of nine brothers and sisters who are still living. They have kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. ALL these people attended this precious ceremony. It was wonderful, beautiful, informative, entertaining.
From there, we dropped Jac and the kids off for a nap at the hotel and headed to my great great uncle's daughter's house. She had a video of my grandma and great grandma sitting down and going through genealogy together. I am not crazy about the genealogy but seeing their faces, listening to their voices, and watching them inevitably argue was a gift. Then, they took us outside to an underground door. I was so curious. There was a hill with a pathway through the side that led to a door. They called it the shelter. Opened the door. Stuck my head in. Lost my breath. This "shelter" had two bedrooms, a living room, and a bathroom. It had air conditioning, canned foods, keepsakes, etc. I've actually lived in a house smaller than this shelter and you know what? My distant cousin and her husband had built it all by themselves! Can you believe? It was so cool!
Then, we went back to get Jac and the kids and went to dinner at a seafood restaurant on the beach. YUM. I had promised the kids I'd take them to play on the beach while we were there but then, I had heard it still wasn't very sanitary/safe to play in so I decided to take them after dinner. Since it was dark, they didn't want to play in the water, it looked scary, and the sand was nice and cool, not burning the feet like usual. They had a BLAST! They made sand angels, rolling all around in their wedding clothes! Well, time for bed, headed back to the hotel to tuck the angels in before my big ladies' night. As I loaded them up in their carseats, I found that there was no way I was going to be able to throw them in bed and take off without bathing them, they were COVERED in sand. Change of plans- bathtime, THEN bedtime. Check, check check. Party time!
My cousin Ave', my cousin Ana (Ari, Ariana), and my aunt Chela went to the casinos in Biloxi. We gambled, danced, walked to the next casino, gambled, danced, went to catch a cab to the next one and a limo pulled up and told us he'd drive us for cab rates!!!! Aunt Chela had never been in a limo before. UNbelievable. We rode the limo to the next casino, it was lame so we called the limo back and rode back up again. It was so fun! I won $80 at the blackjack table. Jac was so proud, he taught me well. The club closed so we gambled a little and decided to go to breakfast, It was 4:00 AM!! After gambling, paying for 2 breakfasts, and paying for a limo trip, I returned to the hotel with $5 less than when I left. That was my cheapest night out ever!
9:30 that morning, I get a phone call that wakes the kids up. I counted myself lucky to have gotten four and a half hours of sleep but that didn't make the exhaustion go away. Soon enough, it was checkout time. Ana had to take Grandpa and Aunt Chela to a place the kids couldn't go so we went to see a movie and I got to catch up on my sleep. Haha. I've never slept in a theater but I was tired, it felt wonderful. When they were done, they picked us up and we headed back to Louisiana.
Over the next four days, Grandpa got sick, I had to work two shifts, and the kids had to go to school so we didn't do anything too extravagant but that was exactly what we needed. It allowed for lots of conversation- serious, funny, getting-to-know-each-other, everything. Grandpa read to the kids which I found absolutely precious. They all met most of my favorite people here. I took them to Alligator Cove to try alligator for the first time. They like it okay but they loved the restaurant and the manager, Mr. Menard (Jac's old partner's dad) sent an entire pan of my favorite dessert home with me even though it had been taken off the menu. How incredible is that?! That's the perfect example of just how people are here. SO nice.
This morning, when they left, I cried. I allowed that for myself. I just cried, called my mom, and cried some more. And when I was done with that, I got to cleaning. We hadn't cleaned ANYTHING except uniform shirts for the kids to wear to school and the dished we needed to eat off of. All the clothes were all over the house, dirty mixed with clean. Trash, toys, books, sleeping bags, it was everywhere. And it was totally worth it.

Now, for the thankful part. LOL
The first thing that comes to mind in my grandpa. Originally, he wasn't coming on this trip until a week before it happened. I'm thankful I had the space and the mattresses to accommodate him comfortably. I had never had that before Louisiana. I'm glad he came. The whole time growing up, while everyone was talking and playing games, he was quiet. I never really got to know him because he didn't throw his two cents in unless it was asked for, and I get the sense that even then, he didn't say anything that would cause conflict. But on this trip, he talked like I've never heard before. I was getting to know someone I never knew was there. He talked about his childhood, young adulthood, opinions about the world we live in, his likes and dislikes. Oh how wonderful it was to get to know such a wonderful man! And he was such a great grandpa! When he was sick and he laid in bed, Logan got up next to him and laid down and talked with him about I don't know what, boy stuff I guess. It was so sweet.
As I said, I'm thankful I had the space and mattresses to accommodate guests! It means so much to me that when people love me enough to come all this way to see me, I can make them comfortable.
I am so thankful that I have gotten to be a part of the Breland family. I've always known that we had family in MS but without living close enough, how was I to ever get to know them? It had been so valuable to me! Aunt Mary (married in through my Uncle Gene) told me this weekend that she learned very early on to say "whatever" because it wasn't going to go her way anyway, she might as well accept it and be happy and say "whatever". She said Brelands are very dominating, that's just the way they are. Well, I'm glad someone confirmed it for me: I am a Breland, Garcia, and Wood, you'd be hard pressed to find someone with a stronger urge to dominate. It's nice to know it's not just me. And I can't say enough about Aunt Bebe. When I look at her, she makes me feel like I'm home. Her face, her eyes, her gentility, sense of humor, gracefulness, she's heavenly.
I'm thankful that while all this time, I've wanted to share my Louisiana experience with my loved ones in person because I could never share it with just words, Aunt Chela and Ana actually came. And I think they saw what I meant. This place has changed me in so many ways permanently. I wanted them to see what I see so they'd know where I came from. And they were happy to share it with me and it made me feel so loved.
I'm thankful that Jac came to MS with us. Sharing the ceremony with him meant a lot to me, I look forward to that being us. They had tables full of collages of pictures of Bebe and Sid's 50 years. I can't wait for have 50 years worth of pictures and memories with my Jacob. When you hang out with Bebe and Sid, you can tell they are REAL. They are not at all imitation marriage. They have had struggles, disagreements, annoyances, sicknesses, and a TON OF FUN. I love it.
I'm also thankful that he intentionally blessed me by staying with the kids for naptime and for my girls' night. He knew how much it would mean to me if I could get as much time with the Brelands as possible and that I wanted to go out with my cousin Ave' really bad since I never see her. I really wanted an opportunity to include her in our family since she's long distance and let her know we love her and like her and want her in our lives no matter how much the distance separates us. I think she got the message, and it's because Jac stayed with the kiddos. Thank you babe!
I have to say THANK YOU to Amanda who watched the dogs for us. We thought we had a dogsitter lined up but then it fell through. I called her Friday morning and she agreed. How awesome is that?! Without her, the dogs would've been a disaster or we wouldn't have been able to go.
Thank you to Ruby Tuesday for being such an accommodating employer so that I can do all this great stuff all the time without worrying about work.
That's all that's on my mind for now but I feel like I'm forgetting something or someone so I'll be sure to add on as it comes up.
Thank you God for it ALL!

Can I Get Some Coffee?

I woke up this morning to four kids (my niece and nephew spent the night) ready for breakfast. I walked into the kitchen drowsily and instantly eyed the coffee pot and tunnel vision began. All I wanted was coffee, it was all I could think about. "Kids first," I told myself. What did they want? Oatmeal AND pancakes. I didn't even realize until I started writing the blog the problem with that picture because all I was thinking about was coffee, so tired, must get coffee. So, pour the oatmeal, microwave, get the pancake mix, get the oatmeal, butter, peaches, sugar, feed 'em! Mix the pancake mix, turn on burner. Get the oatmeal, microwave. Pour the batter. Get the oatmeal, butter, cinnamon and sugar, serve it! The pancake's burning! Flip it. Oh well, I'm gonna get my coffee. Serve the pancake, just a few more to go. So, one kid finishes while the last just got to eating and I start on the dishes. The dishes are done, the kids are gone. It's finally my turn but... I don't need my coffee anymore.
Thankful for my kids and their guests this morning. It's a whole lot of love.

Boys, Caffeine, and Discombobulated Incoherent Exhaustion

Tonight, having had coffee with dinner, I can't sleep so what to do but surf the net, right? (I mean besides all the laundry, dishes, and cleaning; who wants to do that?!) So I finished Facebooking and clothes shopping, so onto Youtube for some good old music videos... which then brought me to reminiscing old relationships that the songs reminded me of. (I know; I should've gone to bed, LOL)
First, I think it's CRAZY that I'm saying old relationships when I've been with Jacob since I was 15. THAT makes me laugh, like ROFL. Yeah, I've been with Jacob now for ALMOST 1/2 my life! Three more years, and he'll win the majority. But, there was some history before him.
I loved, not the normal kind of "love" people think of when they hear a 10yr old, 11yr old, or 14yr old talk about love, not 'oh he is SO cute, I love him' or 'he really likes me so I love him' or whatever it is normal young girls are thinking when they think of love. I was thinking about mutual care and consideration of one another, sacrificing for each other, uplifting each other, being good company, and long term commitment. (Yeah, I've ALWAYS been over-serious.) SO, I had these relationships where I totally genuinely cared about these guys, so much so that I still pray for them and hope they're well all the time. These songs tonight made me think of them and how they enriched my life so much, what I learned from them and our relationship... And then, I came to songs that made me think of Jac.
Aww, Jac. How I LOVE him!!! The specific song I came across was Richard Marx "Now and Forever". This is what I'm thankful for tonight: that we've come to this place where... let's see how to describe it... I believe Now and Forever. I have put him through hell and he refused to leave me, it was just not an option. He has put me through hell and I found out he was worth it! We started off young, nowhere close to being finished products, in fact we were barely begun, let alone finished. And we were both soon very disappointed with the contract we had signed. We hadn't known beforehand how the other would react to the refining processes of marriage or growing up. And we soon found out it wasn't pretty. Now, 11 days short of 8 years of marriage, I'm thankful to say that no matter what the refining processes bring, we are hooked. We don't look at each other anymore as if we're two separate people going through separate experiences. We are one, all of his is mine and all of mine is his so when I bring extra struggle, he brings extra strength and when he brings extra confusion, I bring extra discernment. And we HELP each other with the refining processes and depend on one another for survival of such as well.
Maybe this isn't as big of a deal to others as it is to me, that thought just dawned on me and I should explain my excitement to those of you who are thinking "DUH". I always thought of divorce as an option. Even when I was taught and mentored that it wasn't, I thought 'except if this or that happens, then it would be acceptable and the logical thing to do, possibly the only thing to do'. The only reason we're married today is that Jacob would not let a divorce happen. I guess HE always knew Now and Forever he was gonna be my man even if I didn't want him to. I'm so thankful that he was always my man and was determined to keep it that way forever when I was so whimsical. I'm glad I didn't get my way so that we could make it to this point where we've learned how to cling to each other as we go through life instead of becoming distant, pointing the finger, turning against each other, and disintegrating.
So I am thankful that I KNOW Now and Forever, he will be my man and I will be his woman come rich, poor, sickness, health, rage, utter delight, sexy, overweight and wrinkled.

Richard Marx "Now and Forever"
Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage
in my head
You make sense of madness when my sanity
hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seam to understand
Now and forever
I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see

I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given
to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever
I will be you man

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If I'd only known you were there all the @me
All this time

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the
sand
Now and forever
I will be your man
Now and forever
I will be your man

Dear God, This is Melissa

Well, whatever my physical ailment was/is, I don't have to deal with it right now. And, a little perspective: We're praying for a guy in FC, CO who has meningitis and has already gotten over milestones of progress with huge miraculous healing that is not medically explainable. SO, as I was praying "You are the Great Physician and I know You have a plan for this situation to be glorious and I thank You that the family has such great faith and they are surrounded by so many prayer warriors and faithful friends", I had to slap myself in the face a little. A week ago, it was me I should've praying the EXACT prayer for but I wasn't. I was anxious and anticipating and imagining all possible outcomes and emotional. --Lord, I sing "You have my heart" and then when the littlest thing happens, I grab it and hold it and fear for it breaking if I let go. I guess I'm not ready to be broken, I don't want to struggle or go through any hardship. I want to live through the day having NO problems and be happy. But Lord, that's not how we grow and that's EXACTLY how fellow believers, human beings, broken hearts, and lost souls go unattended to. When people who have so much to give keep it to themselves, go about their day in bliss, not thinking of anyone else, and not giving back to You by giving to others. I bow my head in defeat, breathe out my restraint, and outstretch my arms with my heart enveloped in my hands and open them up for you to have complete access and please, take it. I don't want to hold on to it. I know I can't do it justice like you can. I know in my head. Please help me know in my heart. Please take my heart and form it. Take my will, conform it. Take my mind. transform it. To Yours. Please God.-- And these are the times that grace was invented for; hindsight. When we look back and realize we were a dumbass. He is able to take it and use it, somehow, if for no other reason than to point out how much we need Him. Thank You for grace, for being the Great Physician, and for loving us enough.
And so now, paramedics are being sent to the oil spill because there are so many people trying to fix the problem and they are getting sick and I guess it has to be treated with HazMat protocols so they're needing more and more emergency services at hand. I don't know all the details yet until mine gets there and reports. I need to call on Him once more, this time BEFORE I am looking back regretting. I tend to get emotional, think about all possible outcomes, and feel sorry for myself. But I call on Him now to help me not do that. I want to be prayerful, faithful, excited about His will and purpose. To my human eye, this has danger and disaster written all over it. I am thankful that God lives and that He loves me. I don't have to give in to this feeling of desperation. --God, please help me have faith. Please step in and show me You in this. Please grab my attention in a real life sort of way. And PLEASE use me and the abundant blessings you've given me. And when I get tired and weighed down by emotions and thoughts, please renew my energy with supernatural perseverance. When I get so sad, please replace that with eternal brand joy and optimism. I know I can't do it on my own, no matter how much I focus, I can try my absolute most and all I'm going to get is really good human efforts. These will not suffice, no good. Human efforts don't tear down heart walls or heal heart wounds or sustain life. It's YOU. So, I lay it down. If I try real hard, You won't have room to move through me. So I lay it down. I close my eyes, reach out my hand, and ask that you lead. Move me. Speak through me. Love through me. Show me. Please.--
Thank You

The J-O-B, Grandmas, and Hurricanes

As far as I know, I'm not bar-tending anymore (with the exception of "Oh crap, the bartender can't work today! Melissa, can you do it?). I am so thankful for that! I posted on Facebook that I was tired of it for this reason and that and two days later, after my boss had read it, she took me off the bar schedule. My workplace is WONDERFUL for listening and caring for its employees that way. There's NO funny business. It's all straight forward and they take care of us the best they can hoping we'll return the gesture. I am thankful for that.
I'm going to AZ for my grandma's next surgery. I'm so thankful for that! Not that I feel indebted to her, but I'd LIKE to give her EVERYTHING I possibly can for how she gave SO much to us as kids and ever since. I think my grandma is the best person I know. She doesn't put people down even when you can tell how she feels toward that person. She gives and offers everything she can without enabling. She loves no matter what. It's never about her. She has been an abundant source of life for me in so many ways. I will not not be by her side through rough times. I love her so much.
We have a hurricane evacuation plan thanks to our dear friends who married us. They mentored us in high school, individually and as a couple. They prayed for us and handed us money when we moved to CO. They did our ceremony. They've continued to pray for, encourage, support, and love us through and through. Now, if a hurricane comes, they're going to take the kids and me in while we leave Jac in LA, in the hurricane, to save people. I feel so blessed to have these surrogate parents!

Good Morning

This morning, my kids came in my room and asked the predictable "Mom, can I play the computer?" And I said "NO! I'm getting up, we're going to have breakfast." I had to keep their attention before they drifted into bored frustration so I got up, grabbed the gluten-free muffin mix, preheated the oven, and got to work. As soon as they started thinking of other things to do like making crafts, I shut 'em down and asked them to help clean in preparation for breakfast and they did. Then, the orange cranberry muffins came out of the oven and Kayla went to grab hers but Logan asked first. I shut 'em down again and told them they always rush to eat as soon as it's ready so by the time I'm ready to sit down with them, they're done. I told them, "Sit down and wait." I got "Uggh," but they did it. I got them milk in their favorite coffee cups, my coffee, put the muffins on the table, 3 small plates, and sat down. THEN, we started eating. It was SOOOO nice!! We talked and they told me about how cool their dad was last night while I was at work and how he had filled their love tanks. We worked at getting the dogs to stop circling the table like vultures and lay down. The kids yelled and got angry in an effort to get them to lay down (they've learned this from their example I-:) I sternly but quietly told them, "Go lay down, Go away." And they did, showing the children we don't have to be loud and angry and yell. [:o) They both said "Thanks for the muffins mom!" "Thanks for the breakfast mom!" I almost cried! This morning filled my love tank! I just needed to share how thankful I am for such sweet times with my kids.

I AM grateful

You know, I was doing really well, a lot better, when I was blogging, than I have been over the last month since I stopped due to feeling guilty, unwelcome, and selfish. I was so much more thankful and positive. Lately, I haven't allowed myself to dwell on how blessed I am because of the guilt that comes with it. It is a ginormous amount of guilt in case you're not understanding. I am SO frustrated feeling like WHY CAN'T I MAKE OTHERS FEEL THIS GOOD??!! Why am I enjoying such luxury while others in the world are walking barefooted in their own poop? Why am I enjoying such luxury while others are deprived of sleep because they're up all day and all night taking care of their fatally sick child and when they're not busy taking care, they're trying to keep the rest of their life together while the worry and sadness hangs on their shoulders? Or others who are trying to take care of their four young children by themselves, hold down a job, and praying that child support will come one day. Then, my thoughts trail off to WHY ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE THIS WELL OFF COMPLAINING??!! It can't get good enough, can it? If you've got the money and the spouse and the kids and good health, you're whining because you have to mow the lawn?! Or your mother-in-law is coming?! Or Starbucks was out of caramel?! OMG!!!! I could scream!

Someday, a door will open, for me to tangibly help those who suffer. I have no idea what or when it is going to be. I've wanted it to be now for so long and I don't just want it to be the Africa or the ill or the single parents, I've wanted it to be ALL sufferers. But, and I don't know why, "today I can only do what I can do today". My mom has been telling me that forever! Along with, "You can't save the world in one day." So for the sufferers, I pray... and I donate to K-love. :)
For all those people who are spoiled beyond belief... I am too. I'm just trying not to be. I'm only in charge of me so I'm going to "stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and worry about Melissa".

So, I am so excited that summer is here! I don't even care about how friggin' hot it is! We don't have to get up at 5:30 AM ANYMORE!!! We don't have to have the kids in bed by 7:30PM anymore!! I don't have to miss my kid anymore! We've got our all fruit popsicles in the freezer! We've got our kiddy pool! We've got our country music and our adorable young singer to entertain us with it! I don't have to pack lunches, wash nap towels and uniforms. WE ARE ON VACA!!!!!!! We are getting the Audi fixed so we don't even have to go back to all that next year! Right now, Kayla is on a waiting list for preschool but if she gets in, I can work while they're in school and I won't have to rely on Jacob (I know-that's sad, but I'm not gonna dwell on it). I can be with them all the time when they're out of school and still make money. :-) We are going to Dallas to stay with some of the world's awesomest people! And we're going to Six Flags with them. Dad's coming to visit and we're going to MS again!

I am grateful. Thank you.

Back to the Blog Again

Tonight, I'm thankful for my neighbors Brian and Diane and Megan. They are the nicest neighbors ever, they're so welcoming and kind. Their home feels like home; comfortable, loving. I miss them all the time and love seeing them when I do. Diane spoils my kids, they go on and on about her. They need that out here without a lot of extended family. We can't wait for the next crawfish boil, shrimp boil, movie night, whatever! I'm having withdrawals.
I'm also thankful for gluten free chocolate chip cookies which were sent to me by Jenny and I am going to enjoy in just a few minutes.
AND, my caffeine addiction has been brought to a halt and I am LOVING it!!!! It took discipline, it still does, but I am thankful for the results- I have more energy, more motivation, less moodiness, less pain, less digestive problems, more of an appetite for what's healthy. I feel like I was sick with something when I was drinking caffeine compared to how I feel now.
So, thank you, Lord, for one more good day on this Earth having spent time with my great kids, gotten stuff done, rested, ate, and loved. Now, back to the good stuff. Goodnight!!

Intentions In Blogging

I have been questioning my intentions for this blog because part of being me is always being concerned about what other people think, mostly how I make them feel by my actions. After rereading my last post, I thought about how it could've been taken as bragging or pride. I would probably actually put money on people never having felt that way because I usually exaggerate how I think other people feel. However, just in case, I want to make clear that I have a few certain intentions which are not bragging or expressing pride.
I want to be positive. I have negativity, trust me. If you want to hear it, pick up the phone and call me. But, negativity is everywhere. Another part of being me is that I like to be different (in moderation), I don't like to do what everyone else is doing (obviously, this does not include blogging). I wanted to be unique in my blogging topic. I'm sure others are doing the exact same thing but none that I know personally.
I wanted a positivity sanctuary. Whenever Christians gather together, they pray and usually beforehand, they take prayer requests. This is important, for the Christian family to lift each other up in prayer and for us to be encouraging one another in faith and bringing our everything to the Lord. But I have a passion about bringing EVERYTHING to the Lord: questions, arguments, struggles, illnesses, needs, etc. My favorite thing to pray about, especially in groups, is praise reports. When a prayer request has been answered, it is just as important to bring it up in the group and pray together about it. The Bible says to weep together and to rejoice together. I find it so exciting for someone to offer a praise report, not only was a prayer heard and answered, even better- someone took the time and care to recognize it and acknowledge it before others. All to often, we talk to God a lot more when we need something than when things are going well. When I have a need, I know I can come to Him and He hears me and will answer me but I also believe that He knew it before I prayed it, He just wants me to come to Him. I think He wants a relationship and I don't think anyone appreciates those people who only call to ask for a favor, why would He? So, I'm making the effort to come to Him with Thanks, thus the blog. I'd also like for others to comment with their gratitude. I'd like for readers to come to this blog and be encouraged and lifted up and try to think about what they have to be thankful for.
Other than the spiritual, there's the emotional. It's common knowledge that people can have a much better day by just thinking positive and a lot worse day by thinking negative. So, for me and anyone else that wants to be pushed in a good direction, here's this little everyday life blog to help. I suppose it's like Chicken Soup for the Soul but it's me and my peeps. Sometimes I'm thanking a person or people, sometimes I'm thanking God, and sometimes I just have a thankful attitude for something or someone. All of it is good so feel free to give your input anytime! So many times, I've been in a group of Christians where prayer request time turns into venting time or gossip time or dump on life time, it runs the Bible study into overtime and doesn't exactly bring the fellowship to the Lord's feet. Maybe this praise report fest can do the exact opposite. Wouldn't it be cool if prayer time ran a group into overtime because the praise reports just kept coming?
So, if I go on and on about how blessed I am, and you get annoyed or start wondering if I have any problems in my life at all or start judging me, maybe you should try to think of ALL your blessings and maybe it will help you be more positive. :o)

Jobs, Answers, Rewards, and Simple Moments

Today, I am thankful that Jacob keeps a job and keeps working however he must to provide for his family, and I am pretty sure he has had supernatural assistance a few times to sustain, which I am also thankful for. He has worked for 48 hours straight. He has worked for 108 hours in one week. And he has worked all this out of necessity and had nothing, at times, to keep for himself afterward. And, if all he was doing it for was a smile and thank you from me, he did it all without even that sometimes because it wasn't enough for me, I wanted him to be a husband and a dad too. I see, better in hindsight, how hard it must've been and how dedicated he had to have been, and that tells me he loves us, big much. Many guys are finding it hard to lay down their lives and sacrifice for their families in this way, in such a way to have nothing but a family to show for it. And, there are lots of guys who would in a heart beat, and maybe even did until they got laid off or injured. I am thankful that Jacob is able to work, willing to work, and has somebody who is willing to pay him to work. THANK YOU!
For the past few days, I am thankful that I found some answers. I had a lot of overwhelming questions. How to fix the Audi? What is wrong in the bathroom? Why is my body acting out? Thank you to the Audi dealership in Baton Rouge! Thank you to Brett, Neil's wife! Thank you to Aunt Chela! And thank you to Mom!
It turns out that I am "depressed". Who knew? I didn't. I have all this to be thankful for, how could I be depressed? I will tell you how: I got crap to be upset about, doesn't everybody? That's it. EVERYBODY has crap to be upset about and I got really exhausted thinking about it and feeling it all the time so I shifted gears and decided to think and feel only the positive. But where does that leave all the negative? It doesn't just go away, no. It stays bottled up and festers and builds up until it doesn't fit inside anymore. That's when it starts to weaken the immune system from not relieving the stress. The stress starts to eat at your body, the stomach starts to ache, and any energy that might have been produced is being consumed in order to hold down the stress and exhaustion sets it. Allergies produce worse symptoms. The appetite is suppressed by stomach upset but the cravings for sugar and caffeine increase which brings on the headaches and dehydration. So, since finding my answer, I took myself off caffeine, forced myself to drink lots of water and sleep it off as much as possible, talked through the upsetting stuff with loved ones who cared to listen, help, and comfort, and started coming up with solutions for the problems. I am no longer going it alone or keeping it in or following my gut. I am attacking the issues with my hubby beside me and following my head. I am thankful for the answers and that I was pulled out of my hole before it got a lot worse.
Another blessng I've been realizing ever since we've had to stop spoiling the children is that when our kids knock us down, Jacob and I are still together. They try to get us to turn against each other but we communicate and conquer. I know that this is something that all parents should protect their marriage against: letting the kids come between us. We don't let our kids lay down between us without an invitation, interrupt when we're talking to each other, come in the room when we're having a private talk, or be mean to the other parent. It's always been important to us for our kids to see us as one unit, "...let no man put asunder." We've practiced these rules just because we thought it was a good idea or because "that's just what you're supposed to do", hoping in good faith that it would turn out rewarding. So, I'm superexcited that while this whole time, we were hoping to not be pulled apart by our product, we're now seeing the rewards of our efforts and thanking God that battling with these children doesn't mean battling with one another and actually, it brings us closer together as a team reaching for the same goal. It's weird, Jacob has become that much more a feeling of a safe haven lately.
As I finish this post, I sit outside in the 74 degree cloudy breeze and supervise my two wet children giggle away as they splash water out of their wading pool and do spraying tricks with the hose. Now that's something to be thankful for in itself.

Expecting Beyond Our Needs

Today, I took the kids to the Cajun Dome to see Barnum and Bailey's Circus. With my $5 off coupon per person, it cost $30 for the three of us. I had talked it over with Jac and went back and forth as to whether I should spend that much money right now or not. See, right now, in our budget, it would definitely NOT seem like the right time but I thought, 'When will we have the chance again? And we have these coupons and it could be great.' So, we decided to bite the bullet, live on the edge, sacrifice for some cool, rare family time. We left 5 minutes into the second half because although Kayla was only a little upset, Logan was in my lap crying because I wouldn't buy him food, drink, or a toy. His head was tucked in my neck, not even watching the lions, just feeling awful for himself. I had told them before we got ready, again in the car on the way, again walking into the dome, and again when we sat in our seats that we were there to see the show and I had spent all my money on the tickets and we wouldn't be able to buy anything else. Logan didn't understand why I had $6 in my pocket yet I wouldn't buy him anything so I asked how much one snowcone was-$9, ok how much for one cotton candy-$10. I told him I don't have enough. He doesn't seem to understand that it's possible to run out of money and that anything beyond our basic necessities are things we should be thankful for when we receive them but not expect as if it's a need.
So, I'm thinking and thinking all the way home about how my relationship with Logan is parallel with my relationship with God and God's relationship with His people. Obviously, given that I've recently started this blog on gratitude, I've been more thankful than not recently. But I absolutely struggle every day with expecting more than the basics. For instance, sometimes when I come home from my shifts with $60 to $80, and then there are a couple shifts where I come home with $25, I'm extremely disappointed and even get stressed because I was counting on at least $60! How stupid! I would love to come to a place where I go home with any amount of money with the knowledge, faith, understanding, whatever, that whatever amount it is is the exact amount God intended or that I earned. (I say that because sometimes I know if I hadn't been lazy or apathetic, my turnout would've been better.)
How about God's people... Do God's unions get quit on because people expect more out of their spouse or their life than what God has given? Do Christians go into a ton of debt because the lifestyle He's provided isn't good enough? How about do people not volunteer to have fellowship gatherings in their home because their home isn't nice enough?
It's not that Logan isn't grateful for what he has and it's not always that God's people aren't grateful either. We're grateful for the part we do have but disappointed about how short it fell from what we expected. I have built Logan's expectations up to where they are by blessing him with the extra we've been blessed with lately.
Dear Lord,
Would you please take our expectations and cut them down to the right size? And, when our expectations are exceeded, will you reach in our hearts and mold them into grateful, joyful, sharing hearts and have us spread the abundance you give us all the time instead of keeping it all for ourselves as if You've just met our expectations? And, will You help us teach our children what You are teaching us? Thank you, Lord for your abundant blessings. Let us not be spoiled.

Lessons Learned

Last night, as I was reflecting the day, I was thankful for lessons learned. Yesterday, I found myself in a situation that I might have made a different decision about but I recalled the time in the past when I did something similar and I had learned my lesson. So often, people make bad decisions and escape the consequences and the thought process then goes 'Hmm, I did something they warned me not too for the consequences could be really bad, but nothing bad happened, so I guess it wasn't that bad of a thing to do. AND I really enjoyed it so I think I'll do it again! Maybe I can even prove them wrong that it's such a bad thing.' I, however, have had what others would call the misfortune of getting burned EVERY time I ever played with fire. And I am here and now saying THANK GOD!! Thank you, Lord, that you cared enough to "catch" me every time I wandered off. I am thankful that I have received strict and consistent discipline. And also, I have to say thank you for the mercy I received at the same time. As much as the discipline hurt by revealing what risks I exposed myself to, I was spared so often of the permanent damage that I had risked.
Often times, people act like I'm so mature, responsible, or a goody-goody and then they're surprised that I can be fun and goof off and be super sarcastic. Sometimes, they can look like contradictions but the lines are drawn. Some decisions that others think are fine are not okay with me simply because I've done that and it hurt somebody, no matter how much, and I don't want to hurt somebody like that again. Just because I am being so careful not to have regrets doesn't mean I can't be fun. I think people assume that my careful decision making is because of religion or rules or morals but that's a misunderstanding. It's the lessons learned that make me who I am. The "rules" are in place to avoid hurting others and myself, I've had to learn it by challenging it. Other rules have been made up by people for lots of other reasons; wanting power or control, being cautious to stay back from the line as to not accidentally cross it, to make oneself stand out among others. There are lots of other rules, don't be surprised that I don't follow all of them. But don't be surprised when I stand by the ones I've learned to stand by. These lessons learned are like gold to me. I would be an idiot to throw them away and live as if I was never blessed with them.
Dear God, thank you for teaching me these lessons and I open myself up for more. If there be any part of me or my decisions that is not edifying to you, please show me and change me as powerfully and gently as You have before. Be glorified in this pot, dear Potter.

The Mural

"So, I go to sleep and pray that tomorrow, when God is doing exactly what He knew He'd be doing, that I remember that and not lose heart and that I can see a glimpse of God's glory or be surprised by a blessing to remind my flesh to die to the Spirit." When I ended my last post with this prayer, I was hopeful and optimistic knowing that God answers prayers and loves His children. I was very much looking forward to seeing a glimpse as an answer to my prayer. I was going to be happy if maybe the whole day was absolute mayhem but He threw in a special unexpected hug and kiss from one of my kids or if maybe one of my tables at work would be a really great family to meet or something small like that. Guess what?! Friday, I went to work after taking Logan to school and when my family picked me up, we went home and pulling up to the driveway, Jacob said, "I think I'll mow the lawns." That was my glimpse, I was MORE than satisfied! It was a deep down need of mine that he would take care of something so time and energy consuming so that I could take care of the rest of my list and not have that to worry about. Thank you, God. But wait... as if that wasn't enough, my kids had a wonderful time playing in the yard while he mowed the lawn and I cleaned the kitchen because he had so motivated me and lifted my spirits, I knew I could do the same for him by cleaning the kitchen (It seems small but it was such a huge disaster, it needed to be cleaned just for us to get dinner ready!). He was so motivated by my cleaning the kitchen that he made us a steak dinner! Delicious!! And since I was going to be working ALL day Saturday (17 hours by the way), we decided we'd have a family night (initiated by the J man himself) so he ran to the store for the hershey bars and to rent a movie, built a campfire in the back yard, and we had s'mores and then came in and all of us watched the movie in our bed, cuddled up close and warm.
Let me tell you, I asked for a glimpse and got a mural! Thank you Lord for loving me and tangibly showing me exactly where and when I needed it so. Help me show you I love you exactly where and when you need it-- to your children when they need.
Today is Jacob's birthday. That man drives me crazy in all the good ways and in the challenging ways, but I'm so thankful he's in my life and by my side. I pray God protects him and gives him lots of more birthdays to spend with me.

Trial

I had NO intention of blogging about thankfulness today, even if I DID manage to find the time. Then, I wandered onto facebook, where I haven't been for a long time, only because I wanted to put off everything else I had to do. And, I'm sure I was led to stumble upon Katie's blog about being thankful. As I read about her conviction, I cried because it convicted me!
I have been grateful for our second car being broken because I like what happens to my family when we share a car! As much as I don't feel like getting it fixed because of the hassle and work and stress and having two cars again, I really don't want to pay a car payment every month while it sits dead in the driveway and I can't sell it! It's hard to get motivated to get a car fixed when you don't want it fixed! ha ha. But, as Katie said, I know that for today, it was meant to be broken and on the day that it gets fixed, all will be prepared in advance for it to get fixed. If I am doing what I know I should be doing, I know that what will need to be done will be done. I can be thankful for that. Just because the process is starting doesn't mean it will go as wrongly as I pessimistically predict!! In fact with a little positive attitude and prayer, there will probably be unexpected blessings around each corner.
On a deeper note, (No, that wasn't the part I had cried over.) my heart has been breaking over some life-stuff and I have been more and more discouraged and beat down. This is what I am thankful for:
--I knew when I started this blog, that I had better been preparing for a trial and that it was getting closer and closer, no matter how far away it was. As Pastor Ed once said (summarized), trials are a part of everyone's life at every given moment: You're either in one, just got out of one, or preparing for one. I had been so happy and troubless for some time, probably the longest time in the last 8 years actually, that it was coming. I knew that in order to keep growing, there would have to be challenges and a need for active faith and prayer and blind commitment. I am thankful that I had that knowledge because I made it a point in my mind, in my heart, to remember thinking that and remember where I was when it became where I came from.
--I am thankful that I knew when I started this blog that I was asking for trouble because the devil doesn't like when Christians work out their faith and I remember saying, "Bring it on. I had asked for a break to gain strength and it was given to me and I am strengthened and I am tired of being on the bench. I want God to move through me. I want my testimony to be heard. I want to grow and be challenged." So, my heart breaking is no surprise to me. However, my attitude up until I read Katie's blog, is surprising because I had been "prepared" and yet, I was in a 'woe is me, what do I do' state...already! It's only been a couple of weeks! God reminds me how weak I really am.
--I am thankful that as I am reminded that I am not fighting in my big bad self alone, but it is a shell filled with God who needs to be fighting, I know He will be glad to come in and fight the fight if I welcome Him and submit. I am thankful that I know He knew this was going to happen and that He has a plan to not only survive but to conquer and be glorified. I am thankful that His promises are ALWAYS fulfilled and His mercies are new everyday. He knew I was going to trip up and He knew He could use it to get my attention and get me on track in the beginning and He forgives my faithlessness and helps me up.
--And, to copy Katie, I am thankful that I know that this is where I am meant to be today. It wouldn't seem to anybody looking at the picture that my dreams could actually become reality in the next five or ten years, but God can. And it doesn't seem to me that if it would take twenty-five years, I could be patient, faithful, or useful enough to wait but God can. So, I go to sleep and pray that tomorrow, when God is doing exactly what He knew He'd be doing, that I remember that and not lose heart and that I can see a glimpse of God's glory or be surprised by a blessing to remind my flesh to die to the Spirit.

Papa's visit

Today, I have to be thankful for my dad. Since he's been here, he has SO made up for lost time with my kids. He has spent SO much time with them doing what he wanted, what they wanted, being busy, and just being. He has been completely welcoming and patient with them and filled their love tank! It has been very nice to have someone help entertain them.
Speaking of, I am also grateful and very fascinated that each loving adult in my children's lives contribute their unique gifts to my kids. It goes along with "it takes a village" except what I am speaking of is not of necessity, it's a grand concession. I can't find the right words to express how bewildered I am, how wondrous I find it to be, or that I am in awe when I examine it but it's so cool! Jacob had contributed a great amount of humor, sarcasm, teasing, goofing off. I contribute much knowledge, wisdom, sincerity, love. This week, I watched my dad contribute something different that they don't get from us. It's harder to describe. It's kind of a silliness, not the same as what Jacob offers. It's a wittiness, it requires thought to understand. An example: "I had a dream I couldn't sleep and I woke up and it came true!" His jokes challenge the kids to think about it and "get it" and to watch them figure it out and laugh so hard because they figured it out, it's so amusing to watch them grow up that way. He has also contributed the kids' stuff like playing soccer with them and blowing bubbles and playing hotwheels. We do those things too but they had a need for a relationship building visit with their papa so that they would know, while he's not here, that he loves them and he did their stuff with them. So, they will know he cares about them and what they're interested in. He is "fun". Maybe to most people, this isn't that big of a deal but it's a HUGE deal to me because frankly, I'm not the fun type. My kids lack in fun when they spend most of their time with me. And I feel like I fall short for them so I am so grateful when other people provide fun for them.
Going back a few days, I need to mark the day that I was thankful with every turn of the day. We drove to Gulfport, MS on Sunday. OMG! First, we met my dad's family at Golden Corral. Ok, this was his grandmother's (my great grandmother's) sister, her husband, and her son; another sister and her husband, my great grandmother's brother, another brother and his wife, a cousin and her husband. How fortunate to have lots of loving, very extended family! While at the restaurant, we had lots of laughs, shared our blessings with each other and praised together. The most shocking blessing at the table was when my great grandmother's brother blew a spitwad through a straw at his sister down the table from him. I NEVER saw that coming! From there, we went to Aunt BB's and Uncle Sid's (My great grandmother's sister and her husband) and their daughter came over and her grandson, his wife, and their kids. We talked and talked and laughed and laughed. We forced ourselves to leave because it was around 4 and we still had to go to the beach. So, we hit Wal-Mart where Papa jumped out and bought me a fishing pole and bait and hooks and bobbers, and jumped back in the car. We got to the pier, picked a spot, and started setting up when Kayla had to pee. I ran her all the way up the pier to the port-o-potty just to find that the toilet was covered in pee already so she stood over it, squatted, and got half of it on her clothes anyways! I am grateful that she's so easygoing, it didn't put a dent in our trip at all! We made it back to our spot on the pier where Papa had gotten us all set up, and dropped our lines. This was L and K's first fishing trip! They were so excited! 15 minutes later brought "I'm never going fishing again! It's so hard to catch a fish! Can we go play on the beach now?" I'm grateful for the attempt and the pictures! (And for little boys' ability to pee off a pier!) We went down to the beach and played in the sand (too cold to play in the water). For some reason, all of us kept getting the urge to go to the bathroom, maybe it was because we were next to an ocean. We proceeded to the parking lot where we changed the kids into clean clothes and went onto the next destination: Papa's dad's grave. We couldn't find the grave, but we had good conversation for all of us. We went through a couple of drive-thrus and drove back. I am so thankful for the entire trip: the conversations with my dad, the conversations with the kids, with my extended family, the first fishing trip, the pictures and the beach. What a great day! Those are the days to live for, right?

Thinking Thankful

Today, I'm forcing myself to sit down and be thankful. That's part of this blog's purpose is to hold me accountable to think thankful when I'm not exactly feeling thankful.
So, today, going to think thankful for my washer and dryer since today is laundry-before-company-comes day, I am SO very thankful that located in my home is a wonderful washer and wonderful dryer. I can trust that after I put the dirty items and soap in, and press the buttons, my dirty stuff will be turned clean. I couldn't imagine if I had to fill a huge bucket with water and soap and scrub and scrub until clean, empty bucket, fill with water, rinse, hang to dry, you get it. So, thank you for modern technology!
I am thankful that it IS laundry-before-company-comes day. I am excited my dad is coming to visit for the first half of spring break and my mom and grandma are coming for the second half of spring break. I am excited to have my family here, people who love me unconditionally and understand me and are interested enough in what's going on with us to actually come visit us in this foreign land. Honestly, I'm even more thankful that my parents and grandma are SO close with my kids that my kids will probably be glowing during their visit. When they're around, L and K couldn't care less if we're around. The spotlight is on grandma, grandma, and papa. I am also thankful that they probably don't care if the house is clean so whatever I get done will just be nice to have done, not necessary, and will be good enough.
Have I mentioned how thankful I am for Logan's soccer? I am very grateful that he gets to have something that's all about him every week that the whole family does together. It's really challenging him and he's really stepping up.
I am thankful for all this stuff that Doc and Corrine (Jac's brother and his wife) have given us. It makes me feel humble but grateful. We were most recently given a computer desk so that the computer doesn't have to be at a kitchen table anymore and our stuff doesn't have to be cluttered on top. Instead, it's in drawers like it's supposed to be. Just before that, we were given a 5 disc CD changer and a stereo that would be powerful enough for the whole neighborhood to hear if we were interested. OH and an entertainment center that's beautiful. And a laptop before that. We're still trying to figure out what to do with it but once we do, I'm sure it'll be AWESOME. I hope that for all we've ever been given, someday, we will be able to give away more than we've received.
I have also been grateful for babies lately. It's finally a pleasurable experience again to visit with a baby. Up til recently, I didn't really have any desire to be around them. They are, once again, cute, precious, fun, magical. This is very exciting to me that I've healed AND that I can enjoy an enjoyable experience that I've long been missing out on.
I am thankful every month that I need to send a rent check to Ernie and Brandi (Jac's other brother and his wife). Since we are going through a foreclosure and we have two large protective dogs, I am not certain we'd be able to find a place to rent if we didn't have this one. They are supposed to be filing bankruptcy or selling or something to get rid of this house and we were just supposed to occupy it temporarily but we've been able to stay this long and I consider it a GINORMOUS blessing!

3 Biggies

Tonight, I have to be thankful for the computer! I got home from work at 1 AM, had been gone since 4. Tomorrow, I'll be at work from 9 AM to 10 PM, and I don't have to miss very much. I log on, read the updates, and it's almost as good as if I had sat on the phone all afternoon with my loved ones. I now know who has a praise and who has a prayer request. I was able to offer advice and encouragement and congratulations. I received encouragement, a compliment, and a laugh from my loved ones as well! Tomorrow, I'm not going to be able to talk on the phone at all but I know when I log on at night, I'll be able to continue to build on those relationships once again and in the mean time, it exercises my faith to give it up to God to watch over my loved ones and be their Comforter, and bless them, and protect them, and give them wisdom, discernment, patience, etc. while I am unavailable to be there when I wish I could.
I am also VERY grateful for my car's health. We haven't had car trouble in SO long, it may be a record. I am so very thankful that we can count on getting from point A to point B without any worry or concern for the car. We know that we'll be comfortable and safe and it won't take too long. And, it is my pleasure to share whenever possible with those who don't have one, I'm thankful for that ability.
I am thankful for those coworkers that make me laugh at work. Many coworkers don't really enhance the work environment but few do and those few are like a bright ray of sun bursting in between the gray clouds. I hope they know how much they improve the quality of my life during those hours and I hope that I do the same for them.

L and K

I am so thankful for my kids today. They are so loving and obedient and fun and funny. They're smart and communicate well. They are a lot more joy than work. And I am so thankful for that! They are so entertaining. We are like friends hanging out. We make each other laugh, tell each other about our day, help each other out, talk about stuff we've been thinking about and exchange ideas back and forth. I don't feel like they take me or what I do for them for granted. It seems that they know how it could be. It seems like one tends to see the glass half full more often if they've had an empty glass before, maybe a lot, or maybe just sometimes. When my kids forget where we've come from, I remind them. And I tell them how it could be. I think that a lot of their motivation to behave or "make good decisions" comes from my expressing to them how miserable one's life becomes when they make bad decisions. It may start with a spanking or no dessert but it leads to everyone in the house being upset and nobody having any fun. We've all experienced that when all of us are making good decisions, we all have a great time. And we do. I never thought it'd be like this.
Logan has a girlfriend- Kaylee. He loves her so much. She loves him. She makes him laugh and he thinks she's the cutest thing! He says he takes care of her at school and that she's really nice. It's so cool to see the look on his face when he talks about her. He's such a loving and caring person.
Kayla is going to start preschool in August. I have the expectation of her preschoolhood experience resembling a circus. She is going to need a LOT of sleep. She will absolutely exhaust herself physically, emotionally, and mentally just socializing. It's a good thing the academics should be a breeze, it will just be hard to get her to focus on them when the time comes.
Just the experience of knowing someone so well is so cool. They come out of you and at that point, you've known every second of their little life. I stayed with them every day. There wasn't much that I missed, I have known every little thing that makes them tick. Some people are medical experts, animal experts, law experts. I am a Logan and Kayla expert. But then, they start to go to school and I am missing 8 hours a day! Gradually, they will be changing and I won't know every second of it. And that's awesome too because they become their own. They're only preschoolers and already, they've had to take on a certain amount of responsibility for their lives that their mom may or may not ever find out about.
Logan loves Jesus. He loves Christian music. We don't go to church in Louisiana and he's asking me if I can take him because he loves Jesus. This is amazing to me because I am not the traditional Christian parent that I have seen. I haven't taken him to church but about 5 or 6 times this past year. We don't read the Bible all the time. I don't teach him scripture or have him memorize it. I have told him how Jesus shapes my life. I have taught him what Jesus taught about how to treat one another in love and why. We pray every night, the kid knows how to pray. And he loves Jesus. I couldn't ask for anything more.
I am thankful for K-love. They have been my church with the daily Bible verse and the worship and the conversation and the news and the Christian songs and the testimonies. My kids are hearing all that and my kids are learning through that. It has stimulated spiritual conversation numerous times that may have otherwise never come up.
Kayla is not as concerned about it. It will come for her in a different way. She's a different spirit. And I'm thankful that I get to experience two different kinds of lives in my kids.

Fifteen: 15 things I found to be thankful for just from today

First, today, I finally got to the store for the grocery list that had been building over the last few days and getting desperate. Then, I got to talk to a very close friend that I hadn't spoken to in FAR too long and she's doing very well. Then, Kayla took a much needed long nap during which I was able to accomplish some much needed gardening and alone time combination. I picked Logan up from school where he told me he had a GREAT day. Finished the laundry that had been piling up, straightened up the kitchen which had needed it for about 3 weeks, had a sit down dinner with my family even though Jacob was supposed to be at work. After he went back to work, the kids and I were still able to go outside and trim the bushes because the sun was still out and it was BEAUTIFUL weather (thank you daylight savings :-} ). While we were out, our wonderful neighbor got home from work and we had such a nice chat. I've been missing her, it was very nice to talk to her. We read the three new books that Logan got from the Scholastic book order today and they were so cool! And I tucked them in by 8:00.
THANK YOU for a wonderful day!

This foreign country.

One of the largest gifts I am thankful for is "Louisiana". The reason it's in quotes is because for me, it isn't just the name of the state I live in; it's the title of this period in my life. When I refer to Louisiana, the state, it is not a subject that belongs on the list of things I am thankful for. But I have to say the bugs, humidity, culture shock, cuisine, geography, and lack of family still doesn't stop me from being thankful that I am here, in "Louisiana".
"Louisiana"
-I get to watch my husband be a dad to my kids. Do you have this? Are you thankful for when he jokes with them or teaches them something new or loves on them after discipline or tucks them in at night?
-I get to take care of a yard/garden. I've never had that before. It's gratifying. It's relaxing and beautiful. Do you take the time to be around flowers? The smell, the colors, the life, it's so pure, such a getaway from the drama of life. It's a seed in dirt that's been watered and sunbathed. Yet, it's a perfect science and balance that works exactly right to come to bloom and be it's own among all the others that are so uniquely different.
-I get to work. I get to make others happy. I get to bring money home, money to buy things we want, go places and do things we've always wanted to. I get to miss my kids. My job makes me that much more thankful for my home and my family. Do you work? Do you like it? Are you thankful for it?
-I get to spend time with my husband. My favorite times are when we're in the huge kitchen taking forever to clean/make dinner because we're talking and goofing off. We're playing with each other, telling each other about friends and family back home and stories of what happened at work. It takes an especially long time because the kids are interrupting with their own things to say. We're all absorbing each other at once. It's fun and loving and idyllic.
-I am thankful that, once again, we're sharing a car. Some of our best times have been because of having to share the car. We get so much communication done in our car rides. Productive, loving, funny, or making up conversations that may have never found time to get talked out gets talked out because we share a car.
-Simplicity. "Louisiana" is simplicity. Not a lot of people anywhere, especially in our lives. Not a lot to do, nowhere to be, just the six of us. Besides work, school, and soccer, we just live, laugh, and love.