Tonight, having had coffee with dinner, I can't sleep so what to do but surf the net, right? (I mean besides all the laundry, dishes, and cleaning; who wants to do that?!) So I finished Facebooking and clothes shopping, so onto Youtube for some good old music videos... which then brought me to reminiscing old relationships that the songs reminded me of. (I know; I should've gone to bed, LOL)
First, I think it's CRAZY that I'm saying old relationships when I've been with Jacob since I was 15. THAT makes me laugh, like ROFL. Yeah, I've been with Jacob now for ALMOST 1/2 my life! Three more years, and he'll win the majority. But, there was some history before him.
I loved, not the normal kind of "love" people think of when they hear a 10yr old, 11yr old, or 14yr old talk about love, not 'oh he is SO cute, I love him' or 'he really likes me so I love him' or whatever it is normal young girls are thinking when they think of love. I was thinking about mutual care and consideration of one another, sacrificing for each other, uplifting each other, being good company, and long term commitment. (Yeah, I've ALWAYS been over-serious.) SO, I had these relationships where I totally genuinely cared about these guys, so much so that I still pray for them and hope they're well all the time. These songs tonight made me think of them and how they enriched my life so much, what I learned from them and our relationship... And then, I came to songs that made me think of Jac.
Aww, Jac. How I LOVE him!!! The specific song I came across was Richard Marx "Now and Forever". This is what I'm thankful for tonight: that we've come to this place where... let's see how to describe it... I believe Now and Forever. I have put him through hell and he refused to leave me, it was just not an option. He has put me through hell and I found out he was worth it! We started off young, nowhere close to being finished products, in fact we were barely begun, let alone finished. And we were both soon very disappointed with the contract we had signed. We hadn't known beforehand how the other would react to the refining processes of marriage or growing up. And we soon found out it wasn't pretty. Now, 11 days short of 8 years of marriage, I'm thankful to say that no matter what the refining processes bring, we are hooked. We don't look at each other anymore as if we're two separate people going through separate experiences. We are one, all of his is mine and all of mine is his so when I bring extra struggle, he brings extra strength and when he brings extra confusion, I bring extra discernment. And we HELP each other with the refining processes and depend on one another for survival of such as well.
Maybe this isn't as big of a deal to others as it is to me, that thought just dawned on me and I should explain my excitement to those of you who are thinking "DUH". I always thought of divorce as an option. Even when I was taught and mentored that it wasn't, I thought 'except if this or that happens, then it would be acceptable and the logical thing to do, possibly the only thing to do'. The only reason we're married today is that Jacob would not let a divorce happen. I guess HE always knew Now and Forever he was gonna be my man even if I didn't want him to. I'm so thankful that he was always my man and was determined to keep it that way forever when I was so whimsical. I'm glad I didn't get my way so that we could make it to this point where we've learned how to cling to each other as we go through life instead of becoming distant, pointing the finger, turning against each other, and disintegrating.
So I am thankful that I KNOW Now and Forever, he will be my man and I will be his woman come rich, poor, sickness, health, rage, utter delight, sexy, overweight and wrinkled.
Richard Marx "Now and Forever"
Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage
in my head
You make sense of madness when my sanity
hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seam to understand
Now and forever
I will be your man
Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given
to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever
I will be you man
Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If I'd only known you were there all the @me
All this time
Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the
sand
Now and forever
I will be your man
Now and forever
I will be your man
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