Trial

I had NO intention of blogging about thankfulness today, even if I DID manage to find the time. Then, I wandered onto facebook, where I haven't been for a long time, only because I wanted to put off everything else I had to do. And, I'm sure I was led to stumble upon Katie's blog about being thankful. As I read about her conviction, I cried because it convicted me!
I have been grateful for our second car being broken because I like what happens to my family when we share a car! As much as I don't feel like getting it fixed because of the hassle and work and stress and having two cars again, I really don't want to pay a car payment every month while it sits dead in the driveway and I can't sell it! It's hard to get motivated to get a car fixed when you don't want it fixed! ha ha. But, as Katie said, I know that for today, it was meant to be broken and on the day that it gets fixed, all will be prepared in advance for it to get fixed. If I am doing what I know I should be doing, I know that what will need to be done will be done. I can be thankful for that. Just because the process is starting doesn't mean it will go as wrongly as I pessimistically predict!! In fact with a little positive attitude and prayer, there will probably be unexpected blessings around each corner.
On a deeper note, (No, that wasn't the part I had cried over.) my heart has been breaking over some life-stuff and I have been more and more discouraged and beat down. This is what I am thankful for:
--I knew when I started this blog, that I had better been preparing for a trial and that it was getting closer and closer, no matter how far away it was. As Pastor Ed once said (summarized), trials are a part of everyone's life at every given moment: You're either in one, just got out of one, or preparing for one. I had been so happy and troubless for some time, probably the longest time in the last 8 years actually, that it was coming. I knew that in order to keep growing, there would have to be challenges and a need for active faith and prayer and blind commitment. I am thankful that I had that knowledge because I made it a point in my mind, in my heart, to remember thinking that and remember where I was when it became where I came from.
--I am thankful that I knew when I started this blog that I was asking for trouble because the devil doesn't like when Christians work out their faith and I remember saying, "Bring it on. I had asked for a break to gain strength and it was given to me and I am strengthened and I am tired of being on the bench. I want God to move through me. I want my testimony to be heard. I want to grow and be challenged." So, my heart breaking is no surprise to me. However, my attitude up until I read Katie's blog, is surprising because I had been "prepared" and yet, I was in a 'woe is me, what do I do' state...already! It's only been a couple of weeks! God reminds me how weak I really am.
--I am thankful that as I am reminded that I am not fighting in my big bad self alone, but it is a shell filled with God who needs to be fighting, I know He will be glad to come in and fight the fight if I welcome Him and submit. I am thankful that I know He knew this was going to happen and that He has a plan to not only survive but to conquer and be glorified. I am thankful that His promises are ALWAYS fulfilled and His mercies are new everyday. He knew I was going to trip up and He knew He could use it to get my attention and get me on track in the beginning and He forgives my faithlessness and helps me up.
--And, to copy Katie, I am thankful that I know that this is where I am meant to be today. It wouldn't seem to anybody looking at the picture that my dreams could actually become reality in the next five or ten years, but God can. And it doesn't seem to me that if it would take twenty-five years, I could be patient, faithful, or useful enough to wait but God can. So, I go to sleep and pray that tomorrow, when God is doing exactly what He knew He'd be doing, that I remember that and not lose heart and that I can see a glimpse of God's glory or be surprised by a blessing to remind my flesh to die to the Spirit.