Today, I took the kids to the Cajun Dome to see Barnum and Bailey's Circus. With my $5 off coupon per person, it cost $30 for the three of us. I had talked it over with Jac and went back and forth as to whether I should spend that much money right now or not. See, right now, in our budget, it would definitely NOT seem like the right time but I thought, 'When will we have the chance again? And we have these coupons and it could be great.' So, we decided to bite the bullet, live on the edge, sacrifice for some cool, rare family time. We left 5 minutes into the second half because although Kayla was only a little upset, Logan was in my lap crying because I wouldn't buy him food, drink, or a toy. His head was tucked in my neck, not even watching the lions, just feeling awful for himself. I had told them before we got ready, again in the car on the way, again walking into the dome, and again when we sat in our seats that we were there to see the show and I had spent all my money on the tickets and we wouldn't be able to buy anything else. Logan didn't understand why I had $6 in my pocket yet I wouldn't buy him anything so I asked how much one snowcone was-$9, ok how much for one cotton candy-$10. I told him I don't have enough. He doesn't seem to understand that it's possible to run out of money and that anything beyond our basic necessities are things we should be thankful for when we receive them but not expect as if it's a need.
So, I'm thinking and thinking all the way home about how my relationship with Logan is parallel with my relationship with God and God's relationship with His people. Obviously, given that I've recently started this blog on gratitude, I've been more thankful than not recently. But I absolutely struggle every day with expecting more than the basics. For instance, sometimes when I come home from my shifts with $60 to $80, and then there are a couple shifts where I come home with $25, I'm extremely disappointed and even get stressed because I was counting on at least $60! How stupid! I would love to come to a place where I go home with any amount of money with the knowledge, faith, understanding, whatever, that whatever amount it is is the exact amount God intended or that I earned. (I say that because sometimes I know if I hadn't been lazy or apathetic, my turnout would've been better.)
How about God's people... Do God's unions get quit on because people expect more out of their spouse or their life than what God has given? Do Christians go into a ton of debt because the lifestyle He's provided isn't good enough? How about do people not volunteer to have fellowship gatherings in their home because their home isn't nice enough?
It's not that Logan isn't grateful for what he has and it's not always that God's people aren't grateful either. We're grateful for the part we do have but disappointed about how short it fell from what we expected. I have built Logan's expectations up to where they are by blessing him with the extra we've been blessed with lately.
Dear Lord,
Would you please take our expectations and cut them down to the right size? And, when our expectations are exceeded, will you reach in our hearts and mold them into grateful, joyful, sharing hearts and have us spread the abundance you give us all the time instead of keeping it all for ourselves as if You've just met our expectations? And, will You help us teach our children what You are teaching us? Thank you, Lord for your abundant blessings. Let us not be spoiled.
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You are so awesome! It's so hard when we can't give our kids what they want. I know I struggle with that constantly. It's hard explaining to them when the money isn't there. It's hard too because when I work more hours, we have extra money, but I am away from my kids way more than I like to be, ya know. That's where I'm struggling right now, to fulfill my calling as a mother to my beautiful kids, or be away from them and make more money for us to be able to do the extras. Love you girl! Reading your blog is so uplifting to me.
ReplyDeleteyou sure do have the right path laid out for you. It is a rough road in this day and age! it is soo disturbing to this generation that the money is harder to find , because of price gauging from greed! so keep your heart and spirit on God, let Jesus rightous ways show you the truth and the way!. Blessing to you dear one!
ReplyDeleteJac and I had a good talk. We broke down how this all started and why it is festering. We figure that while we saw our little treats as little, insignificant fun things, all the kids saw was that every time there's an opportunity, we get them a little something. We didn't mean to do that, in fact we tried not to. But, I didn't see the harm. Now I do and we're going to work on making EVERY treat special by doing them or giving them or buying them a LOT less! I should be able to save a good amount of money but it's going to take a HUGE amount of patience and steadfastness and creativity to replace those things with less tangible, fulfilling time and stuff.
ReplyDeleteStacey, Jac and I have been at a place where we had to ask that question, "Work more to provide better and more or work less and do less and provide less?" And we actually separated for a time and thought and talked long and hard and this is the answer: If my family ever again becomes threatened by us always working, never having family time, and emotionally detaching from one another, I'd rather live in a cardboard box. So, each other is what comes first. It doesn't matter what kind of house, toys, clothes, food. I never want to fear losing my family again and that is what it leads to when we choose money. I am talking to myself too.
ReplyDeleteBrenda, I appreciate your thoughts. I really don't mind running out of money now and then, we're fed well and have a great roof over our heads and we got to go to the circus and there's gas in the car to get us to work so we can make more money. I just don't like to see it wasted. Sometimes, we're fooled into thinking children cost a lot but many of the expenses are created by us. I need to learn more about keeping purchases more limited to a reasonable amount and use the other skills God gave me instead. God always takes care of us!