Tonight, I'm thankful for my neighbors Brian and Diane and Megan. They are the nicest neighbors ever, they're so welcoming and kind. Their home feels like home; comfortable, loving. I miss them all the time and love seeing them when I do. Diane spoils my kids, they go on and on about her. They need that out here without a lot of extended family. We can't wait for the next crawfish boil, shrimp boil, movie night, whatever! I'm having withdrawals.
I'm also thankful for gluten free chocolate chip cookies which were sent to me by Jenny and I am going to enjoy in just a few minutes.
AND, my caffeine addiction has been brought to a halt and I am LOVING it!!!! It took discipline, it still does, but I am thankful for the results- I have more energy, more motivation, less moodiness, less pain, less digestive problems, more of an appetite for what's healthy. I feel like I was sick with something when I was drinking caffeine compared to how I feel now.
So, thank you, Lord, for one more good day on this Earth having spent time with my great kids, gotten stuff done, rested, ate, and loved. Now, back to the good stuff. Goodnight!!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Intentions In Blogging
I have been questioning my intentions for this blog because part of being me is always being concerned about what other people think, mostly how I make them feel by my actions. After rereading my last post, I thought about how it could've been taken as bragging or pride. I would probably actually put money on people never having felt that way because I usually exaggerate how I think other people feel. However, just in case, I want to make clear that I have a few certain intentions which are not bragging or expressing pride.
I want to be positive. I have negativity, trust me. If you want to hear it, pick up the phone and call me. But, negativity is everywhere. Another part of being me is that I like to be different (in moderation), I don't like to do what everyone else is doing (obviously, this does not include blogging). I wanted to be unique in my blogging topic. I'm sure others are doing the exact same thing but none that I know personally.
I wanted a positivity sanctuary. Whenever Christians gather together, they pray and usually beforehand, they take prayer requests. This is important, for the Christian family to lift each other up in prayer and for us to be encouraging one another in faith and bringing our everything to the Lord. But I have a passion about bringing EVERYTHING to the Lord: questions, arguments, struggles, illnesses, needs, etc. My favorite thing to pray about, especially in groups, is praise reports. When a prayer request has been answered, it is just as important to bring it up in the group and pray together about it. The Bible says to weep together and to rejoice together. I find it so exciting for someone to offer a praise report, not only was a prayer heard and answered, even better- someone took the time and care to recognize it and acknowledge it before others. All to often, we talk to God a lot more when we need something than when things are going well. When I have a need, I know I can come to Him and He hears me and will answer me but I also believe that He knew it before I prayed it, He just wants me to come to Him. I think He wants a relationship and I don't think anyone appreciates those people who only call to ask for a favor, why would He? So, I'm making the effort to come to Him with Thanks, thus the blog. I'd also like for others to comment with their gratitude. I'd like for readers to come to this blog and be encouraged and lifted up and try to think about what they have to be thankful for.
Other than the spiritual, there's the emotional. It's common knowledge that people can have a much better day by just thinking positive and a lot worse day by thinking negative. So, for me and anyone else that wants to be pushed in a good direction, here's this little everyday life blog to help. I suppose it's like Chicken Soup for the Soul but it's me and my peeps. Sometimes I'm thanking a person or people, sometimes I'm thanking God, and sometimes I just have a thankful attitude for something or someone. All of it is good so feel free to give your input anytime! So many times, I've been in a group of Christians where prayer request time turns into venting time or gossip time or dump on life time, it runs the Bible study into overtime and doesn't exactly bring the fellowship to the Lord's feet. Maybe this praise report fest can do the exact opposite. Wouldn't it be cool if prayer time ran a group into overtime because the praise reports just kept coming?
So, if I go on and on about how blessed I am, and you get annoyed or start wondering if I have any problems in my life at all or start judging me, maybe you should try to think of ALL your blessings and maybe it will help you be more positive. :o)
I want to be positive. I have negativity, trust me. If you want to hear it, pick up the phone and call me. But, negativity is everywhere. Another part of being me is that I like to be different (in moderation), I don't like to do what everyone else is doing (obviously, this does not include blogging). I wanted to be unique in my blogging topic. I'm sure others are doing the exact same thing but none that I know personally.
I wanted a positivity sanctuary. Whenever Christians gather together, they pray and usually beforehand, they take prayer requests. This is important, for the Christian family to lift each other up in prayer and for us to be encouraging one another in faith and bringing our everything to the Lord. But I have a passion about bringing EVERYTHING to the Lord: questions, arguments, struggles, illnesses, needs, etc. My favorite thing to pray about, especially in groups, is praise reports. When a prayer request has been answered, it is just as important to bring it up in the group and pray together about it. The Bible says to weep together and to rejoice together. I find it so exciting for someone to offer a praise report, not only was a prayer heard and answered, even better- someone took the time and care to recognize it and acknowledge it before others. All to often, we talk to God a lot more when we need something than when things are going well. When I have a need, I know I can come to Him and He hears me and will answer me but I also believe that He knew it before I prayed it, He just wants me to come to Him. I think He wants a relationship and I don't think anyone appreciates those people who only call to ask for a favor, why would He? So, I'm making the effort to come to Him with Thanks, thus the blog. I'd also like for others to comment with their gratitude. I'd like for readers to come to this blog and be encouraged and lifted up and try to think about what they have to be thankful for.
Other than the spiritual, there's the emotional. It's common knowledge that people can have a much better day by just thinking positive and a lot worse day by thinking negative. So, for me and anyone else that wants to be pushed in a good direction, here's this little everyday life blog to help. I suppose it's like Chicken Soup for the Soul but it's me and my peeps. Sometimes I'm thanking a person or people, sometimes I'm thanking God, and sometimes I just have a thankful attitude for something or someone. All of it is good so feel free to give your input anytime! So many times, I've been in a group of Christians where prayer request time turns into venting time or gossip time or dump on life time, it runs the Bible study into overtime and doesn't exactly bring the fellowship to the Lord's feet. Maybe this praise report fest can do the exact opposite. Wouldn't it be cool if prayer time ran a group into overtime because the praise reports just kept coming?
So, if I go on and on about how blessed I am, and you get annoyed or start wondering if I have any problems in my life at all or start judging me, maybe you should try to think of ALL your blessings and maybe it will help you be more positive. :o)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Jobs, Answers, Rewards, and Simple Moments
Today, I am thankful that Jacob keeps a job and keeps working however he must to provide for his family, and I am pretty sure he has had supernatural assistance a few times to sustain, which I am also thankful for. He has worked for 48 hours straight. He has worked for 108 hours in one week. And he has worked all this out of necessity and had nothing, at times, to keep for himself afterward. And, if all he was doing it for was a smile and thank you from me, he did it all without even that sometimes because it wasn't enough for me, I wanted him to be a husband and a dad too. I see, better in hindsight, how hard it must've been and how dedicated he had to have been, and that tells me he loves us, big much. Many guys are finding it hard to lay down their lives and sacrifice for their families in this way, in such a way to have nothing but a family to show for it. And, there are lots of guys who would in a heart beat, and maybe even did until they got laid off or injured. I am thankful that Jacob is able to work, willing to work, and has somebody who is willing to pay him to work. THANK YOU!
For the past few days, I am thankful that I found some answers. I had a lot of overwhelming questions. How to fix the Audi? What is wrong in the bathroom? Why is my body acting out? Thank you to the Audi dealership in Baton Rouge! Thank you to Brett, Neil's wife! Thank you to Aunt Chela! And thank you to Mom!
It turns out that I am "depressed". Who knew? I didn't. I have all this to be thankful for, how could I be depressed? I will tell you how: I got crap to be upset about, doesn't everybody? That's it. EVERYBODY has crap to be upset about and I got really exhausted thinking about it and feeling it all the time so I shifted gears and decided to think and feel only the positive. But where does that leave all the negative? It doesn't just go away, no. It stays bottled up and festers and builds up until it doesn't fit inside anymore. That's when it starts to weaken the immune system from not relieving the stress. The stress starts to eat at your body, the stomach starts to ache, and any energy that might have been produced is being consumed in order to hold down the stress and exhaustion sets it. Allergies produce worse symptoms. The appetite is suppressed by stomach upset but the cravings for sugar and caffeine increase which brings on the headaches and dehydration. So, since finding my answer, I took myself off caffeine, forced myself to drink lots of water and sleep it off as much as possible, talked through the upsetting stuff with loved ones who cared to listen, help, and comfort, and started coming up with solutions for the problems. I am no longer going it alone or keeping it in or following my gut. I am attacking the issues with my hubby beside me and following my head. I am thankful for the answers and that I was pulled out of my hole before it got a lot worse.
Another blessng I've been realizing ever since we've had to stop spoiling the children is that when our kids knock us down, Jacob and I are still together. They try to get us to turn against each other but we communicate and conquer. I know that this is something that all parents should protect their marriage against: letting the kids come between us. We don't let our kids lay down between us without an invitation, interrupt when we're talking to each other, come in the room when we're having a private talk, or be mean to the other parent. It's always been important to us for our kids to see us as one unit, "...let no man put asunder." We've practiced these rules just because we thought it was a good idea or because "that's just what you're supposed to do", hoping in good faith that it would turn out rewarding. So, I'm superexcited that while this whole time, we were hoping to not be pulled apart by our product, we're now seeing the rewards of our efforts and thanking God that battling with these children doesn't mean battling with one another and actually, it brings us closer together as a team reaching for the same goal. It's weird, Jacob has become that much more a feeling of a safe haven lately.
As I finish this post, I sit outside in the 74 degree cloudy breeze and supervise my two wet children giggle away as they splash water out of their wading pool and do spraying tricks with the hose. Now that's something to be thankful for in itself.
For the past few days, I am thankful that I found some answers. I had a lot of overwhelming questions. How to fix the Audi? What is wrong in the bathroom? Why is my body acting out? Thank you to the Audi dealership in Baton Rouge! Thank you to Brett, Neil's wife! Thank you to Aunt Chela! And thank you to Mom!
It turns out that I am "depressed". Who knew? I didn't. I have all this to be thankful for, how could I be depressed? I will tell you how: I got crap to be upset about, doesn't everybody? That's it. EVERYBODY has crap to be upset about and I got really exhausted thinking about it and feeling it all the time so I shifted gears and decided to think and feel only the positive. But where does that leave all the negative? It doesn't just go away, no. It stays bottled up and festers and builds up until it doesn't fit inside anymore. That's when it starts to weaken the immune system from not relieving the stress. The stress starts to eat at your body, the stomach starts to ache, and any energy that might have been produced is being consumed in order to hold down the stress and exhaustion sets it. Allergies produce worse symptoms. The appetite is suppressed by stomach upset but the cravings for sugar and caffeine increase which brings on the headaches and dehydration. So, since finding my answer, I took myself off caffeine, forced myself to drink lots of water and sleep it off as much as possible, talked through the upsetting stuff with loved ones who cared to listen, help, and comfort, and started coming up with solutions for the problems. I am no longer going it alone or keeping it in or following my gut. I am attacking the issues with my hubby beside me and following my head. I am thankful for the answers and that I was pulled out of my hole before it got a lot worse.
Another blessng I've been realizing ever since we've had to stop spoiling the children is that when our kids knock us down, Jacob and I are still together. They try to get us to turn against each other but we communicate and conquer. I know that this is something that all parents should protect their marriage against: letting the kids come between us. We don't let our kids lay down between us without an invitation, interrupt when we're talking to each other, come in the room when we're having a private talk, or be mean to the other parent. It's always been important to us for our kids to see us as one unit, "...let no man
As I finish this post, I sit outside in the 74 degree cloudy breeze and supervise my two wet children giggle away as they splash water out of their wading pool and do spraying tricks with the hose. Now that's something to be thankful for in itself.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Expecting Beyond Our Needs
Today, I took the kids to the Cajun Dome to see Barnum and Bailey's Circus. With my $5 off coupon per person, it cost $30 for the three of us. I had talked it over with Jac and went back and forth as to whether I should spend that much money right now or not. See, right now, in our budget, it would definitely NOT seem like the right time but I thought, 'When will we have the chance again? And we have these coupons and it could be great.' So, we decided to bite the bullet, live on the edge, sacrifice for some cool, rare family time. We left 5 minutes into the second half because although Kayla was only a little upset, Logan was in my lap crying because I wouldn't buy him food, drink, or a toy. His head was tucked in my neck, not even watching the lions, just feeling awful for himself. I had told them before we got ready, again in the car on the way, again walking into the dome, and again when we sat in our seats that we were there to see the show and I had spent all my money on the tickets and we wouldn't be able to buy anything else. Logan didn't understand why I had $6 in my pocket yet I wouldn't buy him anything so I asked how much one snowcone was-$9, ok how much for one cotton candy-$10. I told him I don't have enough. He doesn't seem to understand that it's possible to run out of money and that anything beyond our basic necessities are things we should be thankful for when we receive them but not expect as if it's a need.
So, I'm thinking and thinking all the way home about how my relationship with Logan is parallel with my relationship with God and God's relationship with His people. Obviously, given that I've recently started this blog on gratitude, I've been more thankful than not recently. But I absolutely struggle every day with expecting more than the basics. For instance, sometimes when I come home from my shifts with $60 to $80, and then there are a couple shifts where I come home with $25, I'm extremely disappointed and even get stressed because I was counting on at least $60! How stupid! I would love to come to a place where I go home with any amount of money with the knowledge, faith, understanding, whatever, that whatever amount it is is the exact amount God intended or that I earned. (I say that because sometimes I know if I hadn't been lazy or apathetic, my turnout would've been better.)
How about God's people... Do God's unions get quit on because people expect more out of their spouse or their life than what God has given? Do Christians go into a ton of debt because the lifestyle He's provided isn't good enough? How about do people not volunteer to have fellowship gatherings in their home because their home isn't nice enough?
It's not that Logan isn't grateful for what he has and it's not always that God's people aren't grateful either. We're grateful for the part we do have but disappointed about how short it fell from what we expected. I have built Logan's expectations up to where they are by blessing him with the extra we've been blessed with lately.
Dear Lord,
Would you please take our expectations and cut them down to the right size? And, when our expectations are exceeded, will you reach in our hearts and mold them into grateful, joyful, sharing hearts and have us spread the abundance you give us all the time instead of keeping it all for ourselves as if You've just met our expectations? And, will You help us teach our children what You are teaching us? Thank you, Lord for your abundant blessings. Let us not be spoiled.
So, I'm thinking and thinking all the way home about how my relationship with Logan is parallel with my relationship with God and God's relationship with His people. Obviously, given that I've recently started this blog on gratitude, I've been more thankful than not recently. But I absolutely struggle every day with expecting more than the basics. For instance, sometimes when I come home from my shifts with $60 to $80, and then there are a couple shifts where I come home with $25, I'm extremely disappointed and even get stressed because I was counting on at least $60! How stupid! I would love to come to a place where I go home with any amount of money with the knowledge, faith, understanding, whatever, that whatever amount it is is the exact amount God intended or that I earned. (I say that because sometimes I know if I hadn't been lazy or apathetic, my turnout would've been better.)
How about God's people... Do God's unions get quit on because people expect more out of their spouse or their life than what God has given? Do Christians go into a ton of debt because the lifestyle He's provided isn't good enough? How about do people not volunteer to have fellowship gatherings in their home because their home isn't nice enough?
It's not that Logan isn't grateful for what he has and it's not always that God's people aren't grateful either. We're grateful for the part we do have but disappointed about how short it fell from what we expected. I have built Logan's expectations up to where they are by blessing him with the extra we've been blessed with lately.
Dear Lord,
Would you please take our expectations and cut them down to the right size? And, when our expectations are exceeded, will you reach in our hearts and mold them into grateful, joyful, sharing hearts and have us spread the abundance you give us all the time instead of keeping it all for ourselves as if You've just met our expectations? And, will You help us teach our children what You are teaching us? Thank you, Lord for your abundant blessings. Let us not be spoiled.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Lessons Learned
Last night, as I was reflecting the day, I was thankful for lessons learned. Yesterday, I found myself in a situation that I might have made a different decision about but I recalled the time in the past when I did something similar and I had learned my lesson. So often, people make bad decisions and escape the consequences and the thought process then goes 'Hmm, I did something they warned me not too for the consequences could be really bad, but nothing bad happened, so I guess it wasn't that bad of a thing to do. AND I really enjoyed it so I think I'll do it again! Maybe I can even prove them wrong that it's such a bad thing.' I, however, have had what others would call the misfortune of getting burned EVERY time I ever played with fire. And I am here and now saying THANK GOD!! Thank you, Lord, that you cared enough to "catch" me every time I wandered off. I am thankful that I have received strict and consistent discipline. And also, I have to say thank you for the mercy I received at the same time. As much as the discipline hurt by revealing what risks I exposed myself to, I was spared so often of the permanent damage that I had risked.
Often times, people act like I'm so mature, responsible, or a goody-goody and then they're surprised that I can be fun and goof off and be super sarcastic. Sometimes, they can look like contradictions but the lines are drawn. Some decisions that others think are fine are not okay with me simply because I've done that and it hurt somebody, no matter how much, and I don't want to hurt somebody like that again. Just because I am being so careful not to have regrets doesn't mean I can't be fun. I think people assume that my careful decision making is because of religion or rules or morals but that's a misunderstanding. It's the lessons learned that make me who I am. The "rules" are in place to avoid hurting others and myself, I've had to learn it by challenging it. Other rules have been made up by people for lots of other reasons; wanting power or control, being cautious to stay back from the line as to not accidentally cross it, to make oneself stand out among others. There are lots of other rules, don't be surprised that I don't follow all of them. But don't be surprised when I stand by the ones I've learned to stand by. These lessons learned are like gold to me. I would be an idiot to throw them away and live as if I was never blessed with them.
Dear God, thank you for teaching me these lessons and I open myself up for more. If there be any part of me or my decisions that is not edifying to you, please show me and change me as powerfully and gently as You have before. Be glorified in this pot, dear Potter.
Often times, people act like I'm so mature, responsible, or a goody-goody and then they're surprised that I can be fun and goof off and be super sarcastic. Sometimes, they can look like contradictions but the lines are drawn. Some decisions that others think are fine are not okay with me simply because I've done that and it hurt somebody, no matter how much, and I don't want to hurt somebody like that again. Just because I am being so careful not to have regrets doesn't mean I can't be fun. I think people assume that my careful decision making is because of religion or rules or morals but that's a misunderstanding. It's the lessons learned that make me who I am. The "rules" are in place to avoid hurting others and myself, I've had to learn it by challenging it. Other rules have been made up by people for lots of other reasons; wanting power or control, being cautious to stay back from the line as to not accidentally cross it, to make oneself stand out among others. There are lots of other rules, don't be surprised that I don't follow all of them. But don't be surprised when I stand by the ones I've learned to stand by. These lessons learned are like gold to me. I would be an idiot to throw them away and live as if I was never blessed with them.
Dear God, thank you for teaching me these lessons and I open myself up for more. If there be any part of me or my decisions that is not edifying to you, please show me and change me as powerfully and gently as You have before. Be glorified in this pot, dear Potter.
Monday, April 12, 2010
The Mural
"So, I go to sleep and pray that tomorrow, when God is doing exactly what He knew He'd be doing, that I remember that and not lose heart and that I can see a glimpse of God's glory or be surprised by a blessing to remind my flesh to die to the Spirit." When I ended my last post with this prayer, I was hopeful and optimistic knowing that God answers prayers and loves His children. I was very much looking forward to seeing a glimpse as an answer to my prayer. I was going to be happy if maybe the whole day was absolute mayhem but He threw in a special unexpected hug and kiss from one of my kids or if maybe one of my tables at work would be a really great family to meet or something small like that. Guess what?! Friday, I went to work after taking Logan to school and when my family picked me up, we went home and pulling up to the driveway, Jacob said, "I think I'll mow the lawns." That was my glimpse, I was MORE than satisfied! It was a deep down need of mine that he would take care of something so time and energy consuming so that I could take care of the rest of my list and not have that to worry about. Thank you, God. But wait... as if that wasn't enough, my kids had a wonderful time playing in the yard while he mowed the lawn and I cleaned the kitchen because he had so motivated me and lifted my spirits, I knew I could do the same for him by cleaning the kitchen (It seems small but it was such a huge disaster, it needed to be cleaned just for us to get dinner ready!). He was so motivated by my cleaning the kitchen that he made us a steak dinner! Delicious!! And since I was going to be working ALL day Saturday (17 hours by the way), we decided we'd have a family night (initiated by the J man himself) so he ran to the store for the hershey bars and to rent a movie, built a campfire in the back yard, and we had s'mores and then came in and all of us watched the movie in our bed, cuddled up close and warm.
Let me tell you, I asked for a glimpse and got a mural! Thank you Lord for loving me and tangibly showing me exactly where and when I needed it so. Help me show you I love you exactly where and when you need it-- to your children when they need.
Today is Jacob's birthday. That man drives me crazy in all the good ways and in the challenging ways, but I'm so thankful he's in my life and by my side. I pray God protects him and gives him lots of more birthdays to spend with me.
Let me tell you, I asked for a glimpse and got a mural! Thank you Lord for loving me and tangibly showing me exactly where and when I needed it so. Help me show you I love you exactly where and when you need it-- to your children when they need.
Today is Jacob's birthday. That man drives me crazy in all the good ways and in the challenging ways, but I'm so thankful he's in my life and by my side. I pray God protects him and gives him lots of more birthdays to spend with me.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Trial
I had NO intention of blogging about thankfulness today, even if I DID manage to find the time. Then, I wandered onto facebook, where I haven't been for a long time, only because I wanted to put off everything else I had to do. And, I'm sure I was led to stumble upon Katie's blog about being thankful. As I read about her conviction, I cried because it convicted me!
I have been grateful for our second car being broken because I like what happens to my family when we share a car! As much as I don't feel like getting it fixed because of the hassle and work and stress and having two cars again, I really don't want to pay a car payment every month while it sits dead in the driveway and I can't sell it! It's hard to get motivated to get a car fixed when you don't want it fixed! ha ha. But, as Katie said, I know that for today, it was meant to be broken and on the day that it gets fixed, all will be prepared in advance for it to get fixed. If I am doing what I know I should be doing, I know that what will need to be done will be done. I can be thankful for that. Just because the process is starting doesn't mean it will go as wrongly as I pessimistically predict!! In fact with a little positive attitude and prayer, there will probably be unexpected blessings around each corner.
On a deeper note, (No, that wasn't the part I had cried over.) my heart has been breaking over some life-stuff and I have been more and more discouraged and beat down. This is what I am thankful for:
--I knew when I started this blog, that I had better been preparing for a trial and that it was getting closer and closer, no matter how far away it was. As Pastor Ed once said (summarized), trials are a part of everyone's life at every given moment: You're either in one, just got out of one, or preparing for one. I had been so happy and troubless for some time, probably the longest time in the last 8 years actually, that it was coming. I knew that in order to keep growing, there would have to be challenges and a need for active faith and prayer and blind commitment. I am thankful that I had that knowledge because I made it a point in my mind, in my heart, to remember thinking that and remember where I was when it became where I came from.
--I am thankful that I knew when I started this blog that I was asking for trouble because the devil doesn't like when Christians work out their faith and I remember saying, "Bring it on. I had asked for a break to gain strength and it was given to me and I am strengthened and I am tired of being on the bench. I want God to move through me. I want my testimony to be heard. I want to grow and be challenged." So, my heart breaking is no surprise to me. However, my attitude up until I read Katie's blog, is surprising because I had been "prepared" and yet, I was in a 'woe is me, what do I do' state...already! It's only been a couple of weeks! God reminds me how weak I really am.
--I am thankful that as I am reminded that I am not fighting in my big bad self alone, but it is a shell filled with God who needs to be fighting, I know He will be glad to come in and fight the fight if I welcome Him and submit. I am thankful that I know He knew this was going to happen and that He has a plan to not only survive but to conquer and be glorified. I am thankful that His promises are ALWAYS fulfilled and His mercies are new everyday. He knew I was going to trip up and He knew He could use it to get my attention and get me on track in the beginning and He forgives my faithlessness and helps me up.
--And, to copy Katie, I am thankful that I know that this is where I am meant to be today. It wouldn't seem to anybody looking at the picture that my dreams could actually become reality in the next five or ten years, but God can. And it doesn't seem to me that if it would take twenty-five years, I could be patient, faithful, or useful enough to wait but God can. So, I go to sleep and pray that tomorrow, when God is doing exactly what He knew He'd be doing, that I remember that and not lose heart and that I can see a glimpse of God's glory or be surprised by a blessing to remind my flesh to die to the Spirit.
I have been grateful for our second car being broken because I like what happens to my family when we share a car! As much as I don't feel like getting it fixed because of the hassle and work and stress and having two cars again, I really don't want to pay a car payment every month while it sits dead in the driveway and I can't sell it! It's hard to get motivated to get a car fixed when you don't want it fixed! ha ha. But, as Katie said, I know that for today, it was meant to be broken and on the day that it gets fixed, all will be prepared in advance for it to get fixed. If I am doing what I know I should be doing, I know that what will need to be done will be done. I can be thankful for that. Just because the process is starting doesn't mean it will go as wrongly as I pessimistically predict!! In fact with a little positive attitude and prayer, there will probably be unexpected blessings around each corner.
On a deeper note, (No, that wasn't the part I had cried over.) my heart has been breaking over some life-stuff and I have been more and more discouraged and beat down. This is what I am thankful for:
--I knew when I started this blog, that I had better been preparing for a trial and that it was getting closer and closer, no matter how far away it was. As Pastor Ed once said (summarized), trials are a part of everyone's life at every given moment: You're either in one, just got out of one, or preparing for one. I had been so happy and troubless for some time, probably the longest time in the last 8 years actually, that it was coming. I knew that in order to keep growing, there would have to be challenges and a need for active faith and prayer and blind commitment. I am thankful that I had that knowledge because I made it a point in my mind, in my heart, to remember thinking that and remember where I was when it became where I came from.
--I am thankful that I knew when I started this blog that I was asking for trouble because the devil doesn't like when Christians work out their faith and I remember saying, "Bring it on. I had asked for a break to gain strength and it was given to me and I am strengthened and I am tired of being on the bench. I want God to move through me. I want my testimony to be heard. I want to grow and be challenged." So, my heart breaking is no surprise to me. However, my attitude up until I read Katie's blog, is surprising because I had been "prepared" and yet, I was in a 'woe is me, what do I do' state...already! It's only been a couple of weeks! God reminds me how weak I really am.
--I am thankful that as I am reminded that I am not fighting in my big bad self alone, but it is a shell filled with God who needs to be fighting, I know He will be glad to come in and fight the fight if I welcome Him and submit. I am thankful that I know He knew this was going to happen and that He has a plan to not only survive but to conquer and be glorified. I am thankful that His promises are ALWAYS fulfilled and His mercies are new everyday. He knew I was going to trip up and He knew He could use it to get my attention and get me on track in the beginning and He forgives my faithlessness and helps me up.
--And, to copy Katie, I am thankful that I know that this is where I am meant to be today. It wouldn't seem to anybody looking at the picture that my dreams could actually become reality in the next five or ten years, but God can. And it doesn't seem to me that if it would take twenty-five years, I could be patient, faithful, or useful enough to wait but God can. So, I go to sleep and pray that tomorrow, when God is doing exactly what He knew He'd be doing, that I remember that and not lose heart and that I can see a glimpse of God's glory or be surprised by a blessing to remind my flesh to die to the Spirit.
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