I AM grateful

You know, I was doing really well, a lot better, when I was blogging, than I have been over the last month since I stopped due to feeling guilty, unwelcome, and selfish. I was so much more thankful and positive. Lately, I haven't allowed myself to dwell on how blessed I am because of the guilt that comes with it. It is a ginormous amount of guilt in case you're not understanding. I am SO frustrated feeling like WHY CAN'T I MAKE OTHERS FEEL THIS GOOD??!! Why am I enjoying such luxury while others in the world are walking barefooted in their own poop? Why am I enjoying such luxury while others are deprived of sleep because they're up all day and all night taking care of their fatally sick child and when they're not busy taking care, they're trying to keep the rest of their life together while the worry and sadness hangs on their shoulders? Or others who are trying to take care of their four young children by themselves, hold down a job, and praying that child support will come one day. Then, my thoughts trail off to WHY ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE THIS WELL OFF COMPLAINING??!! It can't get good enough, can it? If you've got the money and the spouse and the kids and good health, you're whining because you have to mow the lawn?! Or your mother-in-law is coming?! Or Starbucks was out of caramel?! OMG!!!! I could scream!

Someday, a door will open, for me to tangibly help those who suffer. I have no idea what or when it is going to be. I've wanted it to be now for so long and I don't just want it to be the Africa or the ill or the single parents, I've wanted it to be ALL sufferers. But, and I don't know why, "today I can only do what I can do today". My mom has been telling me that forever! Along with, "You can't save the world in one day." So for the sufferers, I pray... and I donate to K-love. :)
For all those people who are spoiled beyond belief... I am too. I'm just trying not to be. I'm only in charge of me so I'm going to "stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and worry about Melissa".

So, I am so excited that summer is here! I don't even care about how friggin' hot it is! We don't have to get up at 5:30 AM ANYMORE!!! We don't have to have the kids in bed by 7:30PM anymore!! I don't have to miss my kid anymore! We've got our all fruit popsicles in the freezer! We've got our kiddy pool! We've got our country music and our adorable young singer to entertain us with it! I don't have to pack lunches, wash nap towels and uniforms. WE ARE ON VACA!!!!!!! We are getting the Audi fixed so we don't even have to go back to all that next year! Right now, Kayla is on a waiting list for preschool but if she gets in, I can work while they're in school and I won't have to rely on Jacob (I know-that's sad, but I'm not gonna dwell on it). I can be with them all the time when they're out of school and still make money. :-) We are going to Dallas to stay with some of the world's awesomest people! And we're going to Six Flags with them. Dad's coming to visit and we're going to MS again!

I am grateful. Thank you.